For "THAT" Someone: This One is For You

I am bitter like the two cups of coffee I induced in my desperate attempt to keep myself awake forgetting, that I already have this very high tolerance for caffeine. Regardless, I choose to keep myself awake so that I will be able to keep myself busy. I want to keep myself busy because every idle moment, I get to think of you and that brings great happiness and extreme frustration. Do not get me wrong. I do not want to deprive myself of happiness but it is the feeling of frustration that particularly bothers me.

On the one hand, I feel great happiness because I get to see a glimpse of your face: your smile that is very genuine; those eyes that reflect the mystery surrounding you and your unkept hair which I could only long for my fingers to run over.

On the other hand, there is extreme frustration because well, I may never get to have you. And that is sad. I like you like the way I get obsessive compulsive with what pair of slippers I am going to wear for the day. I like you because you are a puzzle I seek to accomplish. You are riddled with the most complicated construct I have ever seen but I still like you.

Indeed, there is definite pain, not on who forgets, but on being the one who remembers everything: it could be something left unsaid, a reckless confession, a cliche or a rhetoric. We isolate ourselves from the real world because we are afraid of the truth. Some of us run as fast as we could so that we well not have to look at ourselves because we are ashamed. We look for loopholes so that we can rationalize the lies we tell ourselves; appendages to justify the diversion we choose to take. But after everything that had been said and done, we still choose to love. But why? Was it Shakespeare who said that if you love and get hurt, love even more; if you love even more and get hurt even more, love some more; if you love some more and get hurt, love, until it hurts no more? Humans just do not give up. And we are crazy that way.

I choose to tread the path where the destination is masked by an abyss because I know that my journey is worth it; YOU are worth it.

But, why do I feel this way? I feel so hopeless, helpless.

I have tried so hard to get your attention but you treat me like I do not even exist. Why do you have to make me feel so invsible?

I lie awake at night thinking that there will come a time that you will see how far I have come. I lie awake at night preparing for that day, that day when all that matters is YOU and I will never regret any decision I make because you were there.

I WANT YOU TO BE THE PARAGON OF MY RIGHT KIND OF WRONG.


I like you but it seems that at best, I should not.

This is the tragedy of I.Love.You. :

I may never get to say it. And for that, I lie.

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